tjwoodward:

Jerry was a sinner.

“Hard to befriend” said a tan, bearded, middle-aged man. Wearing a worn in UT hat, his homelessness was unmistakable, but what he said at his friends’ funeral was too…. “human”.

Jerry Vincent left a life of sin at the last leg of his life. The doctor gave him 6 months to…

“Christ was all anguish that I might be all joy, cast off that I might be brought in, trodden down as an enemy that I might be welcomed as a friend, surrendered to hell’s worst that I might attain heaven’s best, stripped that I might be clothed, wounded that I might be healed, athirst that I might drink, tormented that I might be comforted, made a shame that I might inherit glory, entered darkness that I might have eternal light. My Savior wept that all tears might be wiped from my eyes, groaned that I might have endless song, endured all pain that I might have unfading health, bore a thorny crown that I might have a glory-diadem, bowed his head that I might uplift mine, experienced reproach that I might receive welcome, closed his eyes in death that I might gaze on unclouded brightness, expired that I might for ever live.”

Our God is perfect; yet people continue to put their friends, false idols and loved ones on a pedestal… only to be disappointed. I know I’ve done it time and again. But I believe that this must happen in order for us to attempt to wrap our minds around Him and lean on Him. In the brokenness, in those darkest moments, I find myself blindly stretching my hands towards Him, only to find comfort. It’s magnificent as well as mystifying. 

He WANTS us to come to Him, to cast our worries on Him, to cry to Him. He wants to hear everything we are thinking, even though He already knows. He wants to listen. He just wants us. For everything we are and that is terrifyingly wonderful.

With that being said, I need to continue first leaning on God, asking His advice and seeking His council. I need to quit expecting so much out of my friends and family. And whether I realize it or not, every prayer is answered; though most in ways I wouldn’t have expected. He’s crazy awesome that way.

This is what the Lord has been writing in my heart recently, 

You have absolutely set me on fire lately. I want to love people justly and fully, the way you love your undeserving people. I want to jump around and spread as much joy as I can, where I can, when I can. I want to praise you wildly, wholly, fully, with every inch of me; from my head to my toes, every fiber of my being desires your love. It’s taken me so long for my heart to break down these stubborn walls I put up in front of You. Why should I be frightened to love someone who will never turn their back on me, never leave me, whose love will NEVER fail me?

How wonderful You are, how abundant Your love for ME is. You take me as I come, flaw after unceasing flaw. Your forgiveness is never-ending and Your grace washes over me like glorious rain that will never end - a thirst quencher is what You are to me. Keep my heart beating for you Lord and You alone. Let not my eyes close or wander from Your perfect and beautiful gaze. Don’t let me look away and miss what You have planned for me. Fill my heart, let it know that You certainly have a plan for a love greater and more special that my human brain can imagine.

Let me be a lamp and a light for You and for others in this world that you have created.

By the actions taking place over in Libya, but also in the fading hope that I’m seeing circulate around tumblr in our own existence, in humanity.

It makes me sick. I try my best to be an optimist, but let me get real here for a moment: I’ve battled with depression my whole life - you guys might not realize it and neither do my friends IRL. Why don’t you notice? Because it’s the kindness and joy and light that I see in people every single day. It gives me strength. Whether it be a passing smile from a stranger, a sweet message from one of you on here, or late night delirious laughter with a best friend.

So whilst reading all of the posts of people’s lost faith in humanity, I can see where it’s coming from. The violence. The death. The blood. The darkness. But I’m not going to sit here and let that consume me. I refuse. Yes, my faith has a strong factor behind this thought, but an equally defiant reason is you guys. My family. My friends. You give me hope everyday, a reason to smile, a reason to feel worth it. A reason to feel utterly blessed. I know this world has it’s flaws, and I mean.. it has some HUGE FLAWS, but this is my plea to remember how good you have it right now, especially compared to others across the world at this very moment. If there’s one good thing I can do in this world, I’d want to be some sort of light in a time of overwhelming darkness. Please don’t lose hope. This is the best way I can explain myself:

“At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey.” - Lemony Snicket

I am blessed beyond belief with friends (both on here and in real life) that others would give anything to have, family that loves me well & a community that is too good to be true.

All of these wonderful people in my life are constantly pursuing me and letting me know how greatly and sufficiently I am loved. I am truly and deeply loved; I finally see that now.

By the grace of God, I know the love of community that He’s been pushing me towards; the knitting that cannot be broken in friendships I have developed; the respect for my family, whom I have finally let myself appreciate. 

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. - Psalm 5:11

I believe in that with all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my being.